The Booth is a new conversation-style piece for Fair to Flair. In each series, two (or more!) members of Fair to Flair will discuss a wrestling match (or show), a character, or a movement, often in long, excruciating detail. For our first official entrant, Garcian Smith and K Sawyer Paul discuss TNA’s 2011 Bound For Glory, a show that gave us lots to talk about.
KSP: Okay, So, Garcian, first off, I want to ask. What’s it like watching a wrestling PPV twice? Do you get a lot more out of it the second time?
Garcian: Considering I watch a lot of things over and over again, I feel that the 2nd run is a lot less tense. You aren’t looking for specific things to happen, you’re looking for what you missed, but more importantly, you can try to understand the show as a whole. And that’s especially great for TNA, because then you can just watch without the “oh, who’s going to run in now” mentality.
KSP: I agree. TNA, much like WCW before it, doesn’t necessarily repeat things that can be considered important information. So, what are your initial thoughts on the show before we get into it? I personally thought it was a suspiciously solid show, where every wrestler was in his right place.
Garcian: I think there was a fair amount of important information tonight. I thought the show told stories. I know TNA isn’t as random and ham fisted as the internet would have you believe. I think if we look beyond match quality, which I think we should for the purposes of looking at TNA differently, we can appreciate what everybody is doing. Just capable people telling stories greater than them. That works.
KSP: On the upside, the matches were all pretty good. But I felt that match quality was inevitable with the lineup. Of course RVD and Lynn are good to go, just like AJ and Daniels. There weren’t a ton of new pairings. The only really new match was the main event.
Garcian: Lots of rematches on this card, but lots of stips to spice it up. Just the right time too, with the desperation exhibited by the likes of Lynn and Daniels. But why don’t we just cut to what The Internet is calling the match of the night: Austin Aries against Brian Kendrick? KSP: Sure, let’s do that.
Garcian: I’d say there were a lot of Ring of Honor fans in the audience, but Kendrick didn’t seem very popularIs there something about him and his gleeful gyrating that doesn’t appeal to the Philly crowd?
KSP: Kendrick is a goddamned hippy, and that gimmick just doesn’t fly in Philly.
Garcian: But he’s all about the love! Hogan gets away with just one part, Brother(ly), why not Kendrick?
KSP: What’s interesting is that Kendrick is the kind of guy that would be protesting in the Wall St stuff, and TNA’s presentation of this show began with exemplifying the working man. They don’t connect the two, but the two are connected. But yeah, he gets boo’d like crazy.
Garcian: Did RVD find room in his match for a monkey flip, because I think Kendrick filled the quota for the night.
KSP: I can’t criticize Kendrick too much, because even though he didn’t show a lot of offensive flair, you have to be a great wrestler just to take offense properly from Aries. The man is incredibly quick, tight, and everything he does moves at a rhythm most guys can’t touch.
Garcian: And what about A Double? He’s very animate… in a lot of ways, more so than Kendrick. He does everything differently from everyone else, down to his Angry Stompsnot to mention his polygonal facial hair. A Double is a comic book villain I tell ya. He’s one of those bad guys that takes time out of his own offense to tell you how smart he is.
KSP: I’m the millionth person to say this, but Aries is the modern day Rick Rude. He’s built perfectly, he has a better range of wrestling moves than most guys, and he absolutely loves being a bad guy. He continuously tells the crowd to shut up and stop cheering him, because he knows that positive responses will turn him face.
Garcian: Rude really went out of his way though, I think the time will come with Aries has to step it up from beaming people with footballs.
KSP: True. And I will agree with the critics that this match is very good, even if it is 80% offense from the evil champion who cleanly wins. It was a great match if you love Aries and couldn’t care less about Kendrick, but I’m not sure it was a great wrestling match. Don’t those require some semblance of balance? Kendrick came off as totally out of Aries’ league.
Garcian: I think Kendrick works on the level of being a magical miracle worker that can pull off super sliced breads or beat abyss when he needs to. Kendrick whole character is based on self improvement, I think. He had to become the hero to save the X Division before, now he has to do it again. There is always a bigger and tougher bad guy on some distant planet waiting to descend upon the Earth and kick whatever Kendrick keeps in that little papoose into the 7th row.
KSP: I could watch these guys dance all day. It’s one of the few contests on the show (Ray vs Anderson being another) that I’d love to see done again at the next PPV. What did you think of it?
Garcian: I thought it was a lot of fun. I felt for Kendrick, because Austin would do the things Kendrick couldn’t bring himself to do. On the other hand, he could even do some of the things Kendrick does, but better, like the high risk stuff. I think it will be a great prelude to the day Kendrick has his next Rudy moment and gets the job done. The brainbuster, super sliced bread and turnbuckle dropkicks were all sick.
KSP: What do you think of the fact that even though TNA ‘revived the x division,’ they’re still opening PPVs, still considered curtain jerkers for the ‘real stars’? Or, do we look at this card, with AJ, Daniels, and Angle (who weighed in at x-division-qualifying weight) in prominent roles, as an indication of that success?
Garcian: I’m not sure how much longer the weight limit is going to be brought up anyway. It’s not going to be the focal point of the show again until they make it part of their identity as a promotion. they have characters with identities, as opposed to flippy CAW 002, 001, et al. But on the flip side, burying Robbie E dead has to be seen as some kind of success. And we managed to avoid having RVD smoke everybody’s ass in the division. We’ve come a long way as it is. One week at a time.
KSP: That’s a very solid assessment. Moving on? Karen Jarrett announced herself as a referee while screaming at Traci Brooks for being—what seemed like—a perfectly decent babysitter.
Garcian: Lest we forget her also calling her son “confused”. The less said about that, the better I think.
KSP: Two things struck me in this scene. The first, yes, where she said her son was “confused enough as it is,” out of nowhere. What is he confused about? His sexuality? Why his mom is on a wrestling show? Who his father is? And the second, where Traci Brooks just demurely, submissively says “Yes… queen.” Did Karen sprinkle Traci with whatever Winter used on Angelina?
Garcian: I think how it works in the Jarrett household is, they just beat you about the head with guitars until you become this identity free putty-person. That’s how Immortal got started, right?
KSP: That is how Gunner was born, yes. The second match of the evening, Jerry Lynn vs RVD, in a match Tazz actually referred to as “there’s some metal. And it’s full. And it’s, uh, mayhem. “ Initial thoughts?
Garcian: If I’m being honest, I knew this match was going to be ugly. It almost works under chaos theory. Can you not imagine Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park talking about wrestling as Ian Malcolm? The more this match gets repeated, the more unstable it becomes. Botches will find a way. That was the line in the movie, right?
KSP: To my knowledge that’s correct. There’s this weird urban myth in wrestling that Jerry Lynn and RVD put on great matches, but every time I’ve seen them, RVD does his usual stuff, Lynn works in a couple interesting counters, and Lynn ends up with a concussion because RVD is a shitty professional wrestler.
Garcian: You hit the rail on the head with that my friend. Oh, wait. that was RVD. I guess Lynn isn’t much better, eh? You know, in a match where metal stairs are legal and metal guard rails are legal and metal plates in your head are legal, they still manage to get good amount of their old material in. It’s as if they’ve wrestled a billion times or something. It has to be number three under Flair/Steamboat and Kingston/Ziggler.
KSP: Especially compared to the fresh brilliance of Ray vs Anderson, this felt like so much retreading. Moving on. What’s next?
Garcian: Next we cut to Dixie entering the building, which begins my favorite (non-alcoholic) TNA Drinking Game: ‘Cut to Dixie’. You drink every time they cut to Dixie pouting, or cheering for Hulk Hogan by accident or telling somebody that she wants her company back by she just doesn’t know how. But more on that later I guess. We have a match after this?
KSP: Yes, more on that later indeed. And what follows is precisely a match! One with wrestling! Or something very much like it, anyway. We’ve in fact arrived at the only match on the card we can really call “filler” because it didn’t mean anything (though they hinted that maybe the winner might get a title shot someday perhaps). Enter Samoa Joe, Crimson, and Matt Morgan.
Garcian: Well, I was confused about this match in the first place. Joe made the match because he somehow thought it would force Morgan and Crimson to fight each other. But since the brass ring is always just dangling out of reach, his plan didn’t end up working to well. This was also the match that I realized the big blow off super show would have no pyro of any kind. How can I watch Crimson when he doesn’t even look red without getting exploded in fire?
KSP: I thought it was weird that nobody had any pyro throughout the entire evening. I guess TNA’s travel set (which is actually really impressive otherwise, with its three lifting screens) doesn’t have the fireworks plugin?
Garcian: There’s an app for that. Lingering on your point, this match really doesn’t matter. Which is fantastic, because the feud started in a tournament where—you guessed it—wins and losses mattered.
KSP: That’s a fantastic point I didn’t even think about. Both Crimson and Morgan did really well in the series before their respective injuries, and Joe did terribly. And yet, on the biggest show of the year, they’re in the same middling, meaningless spot. Miracle of miracles, Joe still maintains the aura of a badass after three solid years of shitty plots and awful character changes. Man, Bound for Glory 2008 seems like a million years ago in TNA time.
Garcian: Even last year. Morgan was fighting for the belt with Kurt Angle last year! What about the actual match? Any comments on the triple threat dynamic of these guys?
KSP: There are two kinds of triple threat matches: the first is actually quite thrilling, because you rarely see 3-person wrestling moves and a rock-paper-scissors dynamic. The second is where one guy gets tossed to the outside while the other two just have a regular match, and the guy that gets tossed rotates between the three. This is pretty much what happened here. Because of that, this match was just kinda there.
Garcian: That diving sequence was pretty cool though. Morgan went full Kane for a second. And Joe is Joe, as hard hitting as ever. Well, okay, maybe not, but the weight gain makes up for it. In the end, Joe loses and literally just leaves. He doesn’t even slink, he just walks away and is already done and over with it.
KSP: I know I’m not alone in thinking that Joe is pretty much done mentally in TNA. I think he’s waiting out his contract as much as the company is. Oh well.
Garcian: Anderson and Bully butt heads! I know you were excited about this one, what’d you think?
KSP: I’m as surprised as anyone, but Bully Ray vs Anderson was my favourite match of the night. I honestly did not go in thinking that would be the case. Their match two months ago was not very good. But I’ll let you go first.
Garcian: Well it’s easy for me to get psyched for Bully Ray matches because he’s possibly my favorite character in TNA history. I think there was a lot to love here. From Anderson actually coming to work tonight to someone bringing a dead end sign wrapped in a paper sign and it all somehow making sense in wild TNA kayfabe.
KSP: I think Bully Ray is the kind of guy who could get hired by WWE tomorrow and do this exact same thing and make a lot more money. I don’t know who gets the credit for reinventing him, but Ray is more compelling now than ever before. TNA is a land of villains and bastards, and there are no better than Ray right now. He’s the only son of a bitch that really embraces it, and goes full blown. Look at how he takes his nostalgic pop in Philadelphia—which RVD and Lynn milked—and trashes it in under a minute. He “raped” these fans. He bought cars off their backs. What a shit heel thing to say. I love him.
Garcian: And the fact that he can back it up in his own way is refreshing. He’s actually booked really strong, and there was a time I thought he might become World Champion. I mean, he brought down Kenny’s mic and busted his head with it!
KSP: The Mic check sequence, where Bully Ray hailed for the ceiling mic and it actually came to him, is a fun continuation of the gimmick. In TNA, if you lift your hand to the rafters, an old-style microphone will come to you, no matter where you are. Anderson did it backstage in a bunch of different places. That’s professional wrestling absurdity done right. If TNA had a decent video game, that would be a thing you could do as a special.
Garcian: Stages, backstage, turnbuckles, ring centers, Don West’s home. There’s a mic waiting in every ceiling, just like there’s a woman with a fire extinguisher in every TNA bathroom.
KSP: The only thing I don’t like about Anderson is the “asshole” stuff. The rest of his character is refreshingly gritty. He dresses poorly, talks like a sarcastic bastard, and has just a little gut, which is something he should grow out and convince others to do the same. I’m all for the Harley Race-ing of wrestlers again. Also, he grew his hair out a little and now he looks like Test.
Garcian: Don’t forget about his camo-print tuxedo! And his hair looks a lot better now I think. He has a certain HBK quality to it before—if HBK shaved his head.
KSP: Anyways, loved this one. And Anderson was the right guy to win. Felt like the ending of a solid chapter between the two. Next up, Eric Bischoff and his son, the referee—whose name is Jackson James—scheme backstage. The ref is of course in Eric’s pocket (OR IS HE), and they talk solely about Sting and Hogan. No mention whatsoever of the match that’s ending the show, and is supposedly far more important. In fact, other than the opening, they haven’t mentioned Roode and Angle once, even though it’s the super hyped main event. It’s almost as if they’re trying to downplay it all of a sudden. But whatever, I think Bound for Glory gets a pass simply on the basis of featuring a “Luke, I am Your Father” moment starring Eric Bischoff.
Garcian: Aw, I wanted to mention Taz saying Anderson “called an audible”. Well, I guess I just did. Jackson James is fantastic because I love backwards names. Fun fact: J-Double does not wear the special Blue Shoes. Because he’s evil. And that Star Wars reference is all too perfect considering how it relates to the match in question. Also, there’s a main even aside from Sting and Hogan? Does TNA even have a World Championship? News to me I guess.
KSP: Did you know you can have whatever championship you want? You can make a belt, give it any old name, and wear it proudly? Even if you never define it, say what you get for winning it, or even suggest that winning it might be a good idea. This is in fact a thing you can do.
Garcian: Worked for DiBiase.
KSP: I’d wager the Million Dollar Championship is worth more than the TNA World Championship. Wouldn’t you agree?
Garcian: I don’t know man, that belt is big. Speaking of championships, Knockouts are up next, and I just noticed that the Knockouts championship still says “Women’s Champion.”
KSP: Knockouts are women, too,
Garcian. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: “Knockout” is a trillion times better than “Diva.” I think the X Division Championship should say “Light Heavyweight Champion” on it.
KSP: I really only have two things to say about the Knockouts match, and neither have to do with the four women wrestling (though I can’t wait for Gail Kim to become a regular again). 1) My current favourite announcer in wrestling is Christy Hemme. She has these emphasis notes she uses sparingly, usually when talking about women wrestlers, or when she says “World Heavyweight Championship.” I really love it. You can tell she’s psyched too, which is rare in an announcer. It’s also clear in her expressions which matches she thinks are gonna rock. 2) Karen Jarrett should referee every match, hold every belt upside down, and always wear that outfit.
Garcian: I have a few notes here about it. I have to ask if I am out of line for feeling that every person involved in this match makes me uncomfortable in at least one way. Especially Madison’s flesh colored tights. It makes me double-take more than that one time Matt Striker put his own face on his ass. Madison yelling at people to not hurt Karen was fantastic, especially since nobody was touching her yet. Karen is also a great referee because she forces tags. Mickie yelling at her for the 5 count was also great work, because it made me wish Double J or Angelina or whoever would tell Karen to ring the f***ing bell.
KSP: Agreed. Karen (and the Knockouts’ reactions to her) made this match pretty entertaining. Velvet deserved the win on the big show, too. She’s been very good all year, especially considering the crazy garbage surrounding her. She’s like the one Knockout who’s the same character (though a bit nicer) from a few years ago. Garcian: While it isn’t the most bombastic way to win a belt, Traci having her Tyson moment and Velvet having her Kelly Kelly moment was a nice sight.
KSP: On that point, TNA does this thing that really annoys me. They spend literally no time at all focusing on the winner of a match. A wrestler wins a match, they get their hand raised, there’s a quick replay, and it’s on to the next one. There’s no moment to bask in the spotlight, no time to take in facial expressions, or any sense of delight. This is something I want to bring up here, that will reverberate later: TNA does not necessarily want you to feel joy. They go out of their way to deny fun beats in a wrestling show.
Garcian: They’ll definitely prolong suffering though. Last years BFG is proof positive of that. TNA is sometimes good about contextualizing the story after the fact, but I think they don’t like to do so in the moment because they aren’t always sure what purpose it will serve them later on. Am I on to something there?
KSP: I think so. The lack of payoff in TNA extends almost everywhere. Even in the case where a hero wins—as Velvet does here—they cut it off before we can really enjoy it.
Garcian: It keeps it open ended in a narrative sense. There is a finality to the result, but with no immediate significance being built outside of itself, they can make it as important or as meaningless as they want later on.
KSP: Speaking of murderous rage, let’s talk about Styles and Daniels. Specifically, what did you think about Daniels talking about murdering Styles? Like, he actually said “murder” and “I’ll tell your wife you love her”I’ll let you expand on the screwdriver symbolism.
Garcian: Oh, yeah, those two. I liked the story but not so much the match. How about that screw driver symbolism?
KSP: I’m a little afraid where you might go with this.
Garcian: Well, I’d go a number of ways with it. Daniels, I think we can all agree, has become completely unscrewed as a result of this revived rivalry. More importantly, they zoomed in on it and we saw that it was a flat top screw driver…what better tool to wedge between two best friends?
KSP: That’s not a bad analogy, all things considered. The murder rants were also pretty screwball, as Daniels’ inflection is just not threatening in the least.
Garcian: If I can add, the screwdriver ended up in a turnbuckle—literally driven into a wrestling ring, the very thing that has torn them apart all these years, together and individually. It was beautiful, and poetic. To top it all off, Daniel’s concluding words (“You didn’t beat me!” even though Styles totally just did) were an interesting commentary on wins and losses in wrestling, especially with Daniels costing AJ a couple of matches in the BFG series too.
KSP: I don’t know that I’ve ever heard literal death threats in a match before. I think we should discuss that. First off, why don’t we hear it more? These are maniacs, after all. They are being paid to maim one another. Wouldn’t murderous intentions be a believable level a performer could get to? Secondly, why has this never happened? What I mean is, why hasn’t a wrestler “died” in the story, the come back to life as a zombie? Other than the Undertaker at the 1994 Royal Rumble anyway.
Garcian: I’m pretty sure Funk and Flair made no second guesses about their intentions with some people. But yes, most other times, it’s an old English lit situation of people “going away.” Or Taker drags them under the ring. What wrestler was The Zombie before he re-debuted in ECW?
KSP: I’m going to go ahead and guess Silver King. Never upgraded to Gold King, the poor bastard.
Garcian: Huh.
KSP: Other than the murder stuff, this match was a poor-mans version of Cena and Miz from earlier this year, with the exact same dynamic but on a much smaller scale. Even Styles’ aggressive comeback was similar, as was Daniels’ cowardly loss.
KSP: Okay. Got coffee, painkillers. Let’s do this. Are you supposed to mix painkillers with hard liquor? Because I might need to for the rest of this show.
Garcian: That’s the TNA way to do things. Oh, sorry, Kurt, that was in bad taste. Speaking of drug users, where were we in the show?
KSP: Had we discussed the battle of the Jeffs?
Garcian: No yet, slapnuts. But to be honest, there wasn’t all that much to discuss. I might have zoned out during some of Jarrett speaking, as I’m so prone to do. Care to summarize or analyze? Analarize?
KSP: Jeff Jarrett is this bad guy, see. He’s also the founder of the company, which means that almost everything that’s ever happened in TNA is his fault. Not his decision-making, necessarily, but definitely his fault. Anyways, he’s always the guy who “brings people into” TNA, and necessarily the logical choice for “taking people out.” Just like he did to Kurt Angle last year, when he fired him and we never saw him again.
Garcian: I still don’t know why TNA thought relocating to Mexico would work. It’s a very frontier, reinvention mindset about it all. So Jeff brought in Jeff and he’s going to take out Jeff because Jeff is a big screw up and has unwatchable title defenses while doing grossly unprofessional things. Needless to say, I’m confused about who’s fighting who here.
KSP: Jeff Jarrett is the guy who won a bunch of titles because he’s a solid wrestler with an inflated sense of importance, and Jeff Hardy is the guy who won a bunch of titles because everyone else thinks he’s a solid wrestler with an inflated sense of importance. Hopefully that cleared it up.
Garcian: It helps that Jarrett called him Nero. In fact, we should just be calling him that. Or Jeffrey. Roode can go from Robert to Bobby, shouldn’t be that hard. So, he tries to tell Hardy that nobody loves him except the girl in the front row with 16 armbands and calls him out.
KSP: Jeff Jarrett called Jeff Hardy ‘Nero’—but why? Nero was the Roman emperor that, as general legend goes, fiddled while rome burned. I’m assuming Jarrett is stopping there and not, say, referring to Nero’s peace treaty with the Parthenians. He’s comparing Hardy’s reign and quick demise to an emperor who purposefully scorched his own city. That’s a pretty deep metaphor, even if it doesn’t really make a lot of sense.
Garcian: That’s a lot cooler than it just being Jeff’s middle name. In fact, it makes me think his parents might have been pretty well read. So Jeff comes out, thinks against blessing us with his royal mic work and attacks Jarrett, leading to a pull apart brawl, leading to one of the biggest reactions of the night! You know who I mean!
KSP: Jeff Hardy’s middle name is Nero? I did not know that. I just assumed Jarrett was being allusionary
Garcian: No, his middle name is Nero. It’s part of his all caps twitter name too. I can’t believe you didn’t know that; I took you for a major fan of Pro Wrestling’s Antichrist.
KSP: You may be shocked to learn I follow very few wrestlers on twitter. AJ, Natalya, and William Regal. I think that’s it.
Garcian: Needs more Raven. Speaking of WWE lower midcarders, Al Snow and D’Lo come out to an apparently big ovation. When those two are out, you know you have yourselves a pull apart brawl. Well, Hardy needs to be pulled off, Jarrett didn’t exactly shoot for any ankle locks. Too bad he’s retired from MMA.
KSP: Undefeated! I’d like to talk about Jarrett’s good qualities for a second, because I believe there a) are actually some, and b) nobody ever talks about them.
Garcian: Go on.
KSP: Over the years, Jeff Jarrett has become a guy who can use things that actually happened in real life and utilize them in stories, providing extra heat for the plot. There’s another guy who does that. I think he’s the COO of some other company. Jeff Jarrett does it better. He out-HHH’s HHH. They’re very much the same character. A little too much power for their own good, decent wrestlers with too many world title reigns, and an ability to “shoot” when other wrestlers can’t. Or aren’t allowed to. Jeff is better because he’s acutely aware that nobody will ever cheer him. And he has no trouble losing the big match. He’s done it 100 times in TNA.
Garcian: And thus, he is the perfect guy to make everybody forgive Hardy, who is definitely the real person at fault in this feud. Astute observation. Hope we get another pedigree out of it from Double J. About ready to move on?
KSP: Certainly. I don’t really know why this was on PPV, except to give these guys something to do. Let’s talk about Hogan and Sting. But first, Dixie Carter. During Hogan’s entrance, they cut to Dixie Carter, who has two crowd signs in her face. She says “Aw, come on!” like Gob. Which she does again when Flair comes out, hair-flip and all. What with Johnny Ace doing his best Super Dave impression on Raw, is all of wrestling slowly becoming an homage to Arrested Development?
Garcian: Yeah, she gets cut to a lot. Looking like a real sad turtle or something. Not only does she have crowd signs in her face, but she is next to a guy wearing a “Hollywood Rules” nWo shirt. That shirt was awesome. Not as awesome as AD though. We need Otunga to become Bob Loblaw and open up a twitter equivalent to Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog.
Garcian: It’d like to talk about the video package, which was great. Isn’t it nice for it to all come together eventually? And you saw the Before the Glory special. Did TNA actually plan this and execute it or was it my open ended theory or was this all by accident. They seemed to have it down to the referee having an Immortal favoring history.
KSP: You’re right on the nose. The Before the Glory special did actually make the story make sense from January 2010 to today, with Hogan and Bischoff coming in being promised great things, not really getting those great things (the Monday night débâcle, etc), then slowly turning on Dixie, with Sting all the while very much aware of how evil Hogan and Bischoff can be, but unable to really communicate it because he’s a little crazy himself.
KSP: I can’t say it was totally satisfying, but it was a story. Beginning, middle, and end. Isnt’ that what we’ve been asking for?
Garcian: Capable stories. Yes. They didn’t drop any of it, they addressed the lingering loose ends with RVD and friends. Now we’re here for this “fight”. They’ve been using the word “fight” for other matches, but they made a point about it this time. Or at least they tried to, Taz is so bad at talking that I’m not sure how he travels anywhere outside of his house or communicates with his family. But that word. “Fight”. Not “match”, “encounter”. “Fight”. We’ve been hearing is a lot from Mister H’s too. It as if we’ve moved on from trying to say it’s a sport, and instead lowering it to just a scuffle. Why? Is it thought to be more relateable?
KSP: Hogan has always been a pretty good manager of expectations. When he knows something won’t be great, he’ll basically come out and tell you. Whenever he did an interview in the last two weeks, he’s said there would be no wrestling, just fighting, because that’s basically all his body can do now. And yet, what do we start with? A headlock. What did you think of this match, considering everything? Were your expectations lowered to the point where it was a pleasant surprise?
Garcian: Hogan bumps at least twice too. Thought we were going to have a Randy the Ram moment for a minute.
KSP: You thought Hogan would jump off the top rope and kill himself?
Garcian: Die in the ring, in a word, yes. In a pool of his own Hulkamania. Brother. I thought the match was alright considering my expectations. But it felt almost Starrcadey. Lots of Hogan beating up Sting, complete with “hatchachas” and back rakes. The addition of Flair was also fun, because he would still try to sneak a weapon to Hogan or hit Sting behind the ref’s back…even though no DQ could have been called in the first place. Villain till the end, but I hope Flair doesn’t take that sentiment too literally.
KSP: Remember when Hogan would do the eye-rake in his 80s matches, when he was a good guy? They seemed really out of place and dickish back then, but it’s like he worked those into his move-set so they would seem like legit things Hogan does, as opposed to the only moves he can do now that he’s a thousand. Hogan’s one of those guys where you know his moves are limited on purpose, because he really didn’t want to kill himself out there. He’s the absolute opposite of AJ Styles in every conceivable way.
Garcian: We didn’t get so much as a leg drop in this match. The really missed the boat on that Scorpion Death Lock - Atomic Leg Drop combo for Easy E. But I’m getting ahead of myself. What did you think of the match…er, fight?
KSP: Remember when Hogan would do the eye-rake in his 80s matches, when he was a good guy? They seemed really out of place and dickish back then, but it’s like he worked those into his move-set so they would seem like legit things Hogan does, as opposed to the only moves he can do now that he’s a thousand. Hogan’s one of those guys where you know his moves are limited on purpose, because he really didn’t want to kill himself out there. He’s the absolute opposite of AJ Styles in every conceivable way.
Garcian: He’s even more polarized than before. Taz went on about how Hulk always knows when the right time is to punch a guy in the face, like he knows when the face is weakest to his fist and strikes at that exact moment. We didn’t get so much as a leg drop in this match. The really missed the boat on that Scorpion Death Lock - Atomic Leg Drop combo for Easy E. But I’m getting ahead of myself. What did you think of the match…er, fight?
KSP: I think Hogan mentioned in an interview a little while ago that he can’t actually perform the leg drop anymore, due to back surgery issues. The fact that he fell down at all is a) quite surprising, and b) a little sad. At the very least, when he did fall, it seemed totally under his own pace and timing.
Garcian: Hogan falling was sad. Hogan and Sting bleeding together after 30 seconds is a little more sad. At least Flair didn’t blade. And Hogan actually tapped out, which was nice, even thought Sting had that death lock cinched in about as loose as possible. I agree though, it did seem like Hogan was calling the shots, that’s the way he likes to do things as I understand it. Did you expect it to get more hardcore? What was that thing they hit each other with anyway? A block of wood? Does Ric Flair teach shop class on the side now too?
KSP: Ric Flair would be the absolute best shop class teacher in history.
Garcian: He could spend his days hitting balsa wood with knife edge chops.
KSP: Considering the combined ages and number of surgeries everyone had, I’d say this was a home run. The after-bit was humorous, as Bully Ray, Scott Steiner, Gunner, and Eric Bischoff all bounce off Hogan and Sting’s lazy punches. If there’s an award for cowering, though, Eric Bischoff wins hands down. That man does not want to get hit at all costs. But because he’s a wrestling character, he literally cowers in the corner instead of running away.
Garcian: The ropes are hard to get through. I personally loved that end segment. I was having fun, Sting’s Luke Skywalker moment was great, which also makes me think Bischoff and Scott Steiner shooting Sting with finger lighting, which would have been awesome, and the crowd not totally shitting on it. Well, except for all the people that just pulled out their smart phones during it. It was silly, but does this mean we have to go through one last Hogan face run before he leaves?
KSP: The scene reminded me a lot of that religious allegory scene Sting and Shawn Michaels did together a few years ago, where Sting was being attacked by demons and needed God’s help. The church scene ended with Sting alone, chained, and without hope though. So I’d call this an improvement.
Garcian: I don’t think I know what you are talking about. It sounds like one of those mini-movies produced by WCW in the early nineties.
KSP: Well, that’s your homework assignment for this week. It’s on the Youtubes.
Garcian: Okay.
KSP: Does that mean we have to talk about the main event now?
Garcian: That wasn’t the main event? All kidding aside let’s get to it. If nothing else, and if you have no more notes about Hogan. But I think talking about the main will lead us back to the Hulkster.
KSP: Yes, I think it will. First off, this match felt weird right from the get go, because there was no major ring introductions. It just…began. TNA loves their drawn-out main event introductions.
Garcian: Maybe they were running late on time? This show was almost a full 3 hours, after all.
KSP: If you believe the rumors that the match was changed that day, you can clearly see they’re trying to downplay it, to manage our expectations. I don’t think so. Once they decided Roode wasn’t going to win, they did everything they could to make this thing forgettable.
Garcian: Wouldn’t the TNA thing to do be to psych us up even more with the changed finish in mind so it’s that much more agonizing when we get slapped in the mouth again? I mean, is it really something we’re just going to brush aside? I feel like if TNA is going to make us suffer, they should at least do something with it and milk a Chapter 2 out of it.
KSP: That would absolutely be the case if they had planned for Angle to win from the beginning of this story. And I’m generally not one to believe rumors, but when they involve Hogan telling management not to put a young guy over, well, let’s say Occhams Razor gets put in play.
Garcian: It just doesn’t make sense to me. Was Roode supposed to be the guy from the very beginning? If Hogan “knew” that Roode was not “the guy” - and that Hardy was, which really gets me miffed- then why wouldn’t he say something before? From what I understand from some books, results are held for some time. Jericho didn’t know he would be the first Undisputed Champion until late in the game. Did they not tell Roode either? Did they get his hopes up too? Hogan rumors generally set off my alarms too, otherwise I wouldn’t pay heed to dirt sheets. I can believe them because Hogan has said stuff like this in interviews and twitter, but I can’t believe that he still wants to intentionally “work” his own employees.
KSP: We’re likely never going to know for sure. But what we do know is that this is an airplane of disappointment. And I’m not just talking about the ending.
Garcian: And that’s doubly disappointment because I love Airplane! Surely that movie couldn’t even raise my spirits after that! Aside form the ending, what else did you find sad? Are we worried Angle will die in the ring too? Because I sure am.
KSP: I’m not sure who’s fault it is, but that was a stinker. I’m edging on Angle, because Roode just had three phenomenal matches against his fortune buddies last month, and Angle’s been off training for the olympics (or so he and The Associated Press say, anyway). If I had to make an assessment, I’d say it’s equal parts Angle simply not being there, and Roode having just been told he wasn’t gonna win.
Garcian: Roode still tired though. Like, he could have went out there and threw a Shawn Michaels tantrum, but he didn’t. If he did, he would have become who he cannot be. And that would be Jeff Hardy. But he might have gotten a championship tun then.
KSP: I think we’ve come to the point in the evening where we have to address the alternate universe logic of TNA.
Garcian: Aside from what the logic would be in everyone trying to sabotage a top home grown star, even down to the camera man linger on a “ROODE CANADIAN DOUCHE” sign? Do elaborate.
KSP: Jason made a great tweet Sunday night. He said “I remember how excited everyone was when Hulk Hogan beat the Iron Sheik for the WWF title after failing the first time.” And it resonated with me. This was absolutely the moment to put the belt on Roode. Everything in the video package was true. He had been with the company for 13 years. He had spent more time away from his family than he should have. He did believe in his wrestling ability and he loved what he did. His faith needed to be rewarded here.
KSP: They’re never going to get another moment like this with Bobby Roode.
Garcian: You could see it in the way he wrestled. He kept going for that crossface over and over again. But no matter how many times he got it, Angle seemed to pick the ankle or roll out. Angle couldn’t even give Roode a good match. It’s just a later of spit in his face and our faces on every level. It would have been like if WWE listened to guys like Nash and never let people like The Miz run with the ball. Roode’s faith should been rewarded. So should ours. TNA had our faith when they had absolutely no right to claim it. Do you remember the story CM Punk once told about the Old Man and the Snake? The part of the promo I’m referencing goes like this. There was once an old man, walking home from work; he was walking in the snow, and he stumbled upon a snake frozen in the ice. He took that snake and he brought it home and he took care of it and he thawed it out and he nursed it back to health. And as soon as that snake was well enough it bit that old man. And as the old man lay there dying he asked the snake, ‘Why? I took care of you. I loved you. I saved your life.’ And that snake looked that man right in the eye and said, ‘You stupid old man. I’m a snake.’ Like Triple H right now for some people, it really makes you wonder how you got your hopes up in the first place. And thinking about how you feel just makes me feel even worse for Roode, who works for a company that respects him so little that they will cast off months or work and ultimately years of sacrifice just because Hulk Hogan said so. Sorry, that’s not so much funny, but I don’t think anyone can understand how close I was to calling myself a TNA Fan.
KSP: Spot on. Again, we’re right back to the BFG Series, where they stated flat out that wins and losses matter in TNA. After four months of them drilling that into the audience, having them basically promise that the winner of this thing would be the next big thing, they have him lose. Which matters. It matters to us, because a) we’re fans of Bobby, because they put him in a position where we could put some faith there, and b) they didn’t actually screw the whole Series up, which gave us some faith in them.
Garcian: I said it myself, I thought this was going to go full Dubya Cee Dubya and just mess with the scores and not have it make any sense. But it worked, they even showed you the live show footage. They drilled it into us, like you said. Then they had Roode lose. Which, as they tell us, matters. They can’t just tell us it’s not going to be like Pope and friends, because now they came out and said that it matters. Wrestling is supposed to matter too, and out of all the matches on the card, this wasn’t the best example either. This is why people can’t take TNA seriously. It’s like, when you are watching a M Night Shyamalan film- don’t ask me why you are- you’re just waiting for the twist. The movie becomes secondary to the moment that you’re waiting for—where Shyamalan fuckss it all up. That’s actually why some people watch TNA—not to bitch, not to improve, but just to wait to see how Gilligan fucks it all up in the end and we tune in next week to watch cartoons fight on an island while the viewers shout “LOLTNA” from the tree tops.
KSP: This brings us to a question I’ve wanted to ask the entire conversation: Is TNA Wrestling built to make us happy? Not every piece of art has to delight, of course. Not every piece of art has to make sense, be properly structured, and follow the rules of its contemporaries. I think the answer is obvious: It isn’t. You have to go into a TNA Wrestling show knowing that your emotions will be toyed with, your expectations dashed, and your sense of wonder squashed under the worst examples of business management and product presentation. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Does TNA exist not to delight, but to draw out a different set of emotions?
Garcian: I do not think that’s what TNA does intentionally. If it was a business model that worked, then far be it from me to criticize them for that. I remember what Ric Flair said on that emotional night in Greenville, South Carolina. It was about how we as wrestling fans like to be treated bad. I don’t think he was talking about TNA. Whether it is intentional or not, it is nice to have TNA around to know that we can feel this way about wrestling. It’s not to say we need “bad art”, because that has some shaky definitions, but it’s like why we can enjoy a good blues song for something other than the music. Townes Van Zandt literally writes suicide notes put to music that make me want to die, but it’s beautiful to know you can feel that way sometimes. Regardless of the outcome, regardless of the execution, TNA made us care about Robert Roode outside of him being the lesser half of a snappy catch phrase.
KSP: Did you notice the video that played Roode out? It called him “Unchained” and there was an animation of chains breaking around his name. Is that a new video? I don’t recall them ever using that nickname with him. It wasn’t accompanied by new music, however, which was the first tip-off that he wasn’t about to break out of anything.
Garcian: Did it say Unchained? I thought it said “Off the Chain”. He would just use the Beer Money video and music before that. Do you think they had new music ready to go but changed it because he wasn’t winning? These are questions I’m not sure we’ll ever get answers to. Especially since Roode doesn’t strike me as the scathing shoot interview type. You know, because he’s intelligent. I’d like to think so anyway.
KSP: You’re right, it said Off the Chain. Still, and I could be wrong, but that seemed new. And yeah, maybe. Maybe they had new music for him, but since this all of a sudden became something new, they felt it wasn’t the right time to debut it.
Garcian: Off the Chain isn’t becoming of a man like Roode. Sounds like something Hogan would say… If Roode wins it on Impact, then that would make even less sense. Either he’s not the guy, or he is. Hogan just letting him win it on Impact would be silly, and trying to milk another buyrate (which I’d like to think TNA isn’t all that concerned about) would be even more insulting because we’ve been following this story for so long that we need that payoff when they tell us we’re going to get it. Imagine it was a literal payoff. Like, you worked for months on this giant project and on the big pay day, they held you up for more work. And slapped you in the face. And made you reshingle Brian Knobbs’ house, assuming he has one.
KSP: I think you should read the Impact spoilers. They actually do something quite interesting. I don’t know if I can call it good or bad, but it’s certainly interesting. But to your point, I don’t think they care at all about buy rates. Bischoff explained in his book that the reason they stopped doing free Clash of the Champions PPVs is because, even if fewer people saw them, even a small number of buys brings in money. Let’s do final comments. What did you think of the show as a whole?
Garcian: Okay. - TNA still has competition within their own audience in the form of text messaging. -Old people can still be valuable members of society, especially when they crash through ladders and beat each other with wood. -TNA’s home grown talent should consider vacations to Stamford if only to raise their value enough that Hogan and Bischoff will respect them -Karen Angle might hate gay kids, explaining why she divorced Kurt in light of the Lesnar Incident. -If you wear something supporting the fight against breast cancer, you are not allowed to quit. Ever. -Blue Shoes Good. Black Shoes Bad. -TNA„ no matter what they do, should not be viewed by any conventional wrestling logic. Having faith in otherwise is setting yourself up for sadness, and quite frankly, we deserved what we got. -D’Lo Brown is more over in Philly than half the TNA roster. -Little girls will be wearing Jeff Hardy’s arm bands long after he’s dead. -Big shows do not have to be blow off shows and should not be looked at as something where all major feuds have to end. -TNA might leave things open ended in where any particular moment ranks in significance just in case they aren’t sure if they want it on a dvd or not. -Taz is so bad with words that I actually miss Don West sometimes. I think that’s about it.
KSP: I agree with all of those. Great detail, those blue ref shoes.
Garcian: Blue is TNA’s colors. Sort of like Nick Patrick wearing an nWo cap.
KSP: I can’t stress enough that this was the best show TNA has put on in years. The last moments of the show are a huge stain that retroactively make us wonder why we ever pay attention to this circus, but the rest of it was worthy of being called “a wrestling show.” There’s something about being that low on the respect meter though, that this will likely fade rather quickly.
Garcian: A wrestling show it was. Wall to wall matches almost, with very little in ways of back stage segments and bad Ken Anderson promos.
KSP: Thanks for doing this with me. We should do it more.
Garcian: Maybe find a better medium than facebook though. Okay, well, that about wraps her up. I’m going to go buy Batman comics. How ironic. I suppose anyway. Good afternoon.
